the fish bowl

     Charlotte Perkins Gilman's story "The Yellow Wallpaper" was first published in 1892.  It is an incredibly intriguing piece in my opinion.  Of course, I am sure others strongly disagree.  I must confess, I have never read this work on my own.  The 4 or 5 times I have read it have been for class reading.  Still, this is a short story in which I can always find some thing I missed before, something to think about about, something to analyze.  
     As it goes every time, I was able to find something new to analyze after reading "The Yellow Wallpaper" again last week.  Oddly enough, though, what I analyzed was not so much in the text as it was in me.  As weird as it seemed, I identified with the estranged main character who communicated with the audience by means of her sporadic, hurried journaling.  She blindly accepted what others in her life told he would be best, even if she did not trust their decisions.  Am I much different in some situations?  I hope so, because she was being seen as being close to a mental breakdown or disorder.  In fact, it is only when she does begin falling off the edge--driven there by those who advised her no less--does she begin to question and go against what they tell her.  Of course, in her circumstance she cannot outright rebel, but she acts differently.  Do I need to go crazy for change to come about that I want?  Or, am I possibly already crazy for not allowing myself the chance to change?
     What it is coming down to is that I, too, am beginning to feel trapped by my surroundings in some way, trapped by my yellow wallpaper in a way.  After two decades and change of going along with what others have presented me, is it too late to alter the course?  Maybe the time has come for me to finally bite the bedpost, tear down the cursed paper, and creep about until I find something meaningful for me.  Nothing compromised.  Nothing fake.  I want to feel infinite in life.
     Perhaps Gilman's character wasn't so crazy.  She was right, at least, writing does help to ease the mind at times.  

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