the fish bowl

 
     Looking back at my last blog post, just over a month ago, I am surprised by how much that situation has changed.  The girl, who I though I had let slip away, is now my girlfriend, and I couldn't be happier with how the situation turned out.  
     I forced myself to resist altering that post or putting up a new one to convey the change because I wanted to remind myself how close I came to loosing her and how I won't take her for granted again.  As I have said, she is incredibly special to me, and I would give up so much for her.
     At this moment, I have roughly 4 days until I get to see her again.  Time cannot cooperate like I want it to.  I want the next few days to rush by so that I may be able to hold her in my arms as soon as I possibly can, but I also want time to slow to a crawl while she is in my embrace.  Time won't cooperate.  Which is why I have learned, partly with her help, to make the best of what time I do have, whether that be with her or even the time I have left in college.  Enjoy life and do what makes you happy.  My girlfriend and I have an ever-growing list of fun activities to do together this summer; right now, I believe, we have 35 items on the list.  While it does make me long for what is to come, I realize that every moment is short and has its highlights.  Why can't I enjoy every second?  I honestly don't know why I don't always, but I am trying to change that.  She is teaching me to enjoy every bit of life, even the waiting aspect of it.  In the process, I am becoming more thankful for the rough spots that help me become an individual.  
     This summer I will be returning home to once more work at the beloved Polar Whip, but I feel this summer will be much different and much better than that of last year.  Maybe it is the list, maybe it is my awesome girlfriend, maybe I am finally enjoying life. 

     
 
I realize that it has been 2011 for a little more than 2 months already, so don't call me out on it.  Until now, it hadn't really sunk in all too well.  Yes, I was aware of the calendar change, but it took a while for the full implications of the year to manifest themselves for me.  I graduate in 9 months (hopefully), I will be student teaching, I may be getting a job in Jackson, I may not go back to Illinois, I am starting to think differently from how I always have, my thesis has officially been started (almost 3 pages in so far), I try to keep a notebook nearby to write random ideas or whims which come to mind (I do occasionally have to settle for my hand), the future freaks me out more than usual... crap, so much.  
     Life is changing almost daily in some fashion.  Just because it changes doesn't mean that I can't recognize my life from week to week, but it is enough to be noticeable over time.  As much as things may become nerve-racking for me, I am beginning to embrace change the more I acknowledge it.  By no means am I allowing myself to be blown across the ground with every slight breeze that passes, nor am I trying to fight against the hurricanes of change in life out of ignorant stubbornness.  Finally, I am embracing my curiosity in life.  If something interests me, I will look into it.  Maybe I will be judged for it by some, maybe I will be embraced by others for the same thing.  Am I to determine the opinions of others in relation to me? By no means, and I do not care to try to do so at all.  I realize some movies I have watched already would not be deemed "Union appropriate" by many, but most are beautiful and imaginative.  I refuse to give up such things just because it is rated "R" for language or that there are references to drugs.  Sooner or later, the bubble will pop and some will fall violently to their awakening in life.     
     In that train of thought, I shall depart for now.  Burrito Meal calls me.  Until then...